Just to prove that pilots do have a sense of humour.
AIRSPEED – Speed of an airplane. (Deduct 25% when listening to a retired or an inebriated pilot.)
BANK – The people who hold the loan on most pilots’ cars, homes and aircraft.
CARBURETOR ICING – A phenomenon reported to the CAA by pilots immediately after they run out of fuel.
CONE OF CONFUSION – An area about the size of De Aar located near the final approach fix at an airport.
CRUISE – Where you are heading after a night of heavy drinking when your spouse confronts you or what your next holiday is.
DEAD RECKONING – You reckon correctly, or you are.
DESTINATION – Geographical location 30 minutes beyond the pilot’s bladder saturation point.
ENGINE FAILURE – A condition that occurs when all fuel tanks mysteriously become filled with air.
FIREWALL – Section of the aircraft specifically designed to funnel heat and smoke into the cockpit.
FLIGHT FOLLOWING – Formation flying.
GLIDE DISTANCE – Half the distance from an airplane to the nearest emergency landing field.
HOBBS – An instrument which creates an emergency situation should it fail during flight.
HYDROPLANE – An airplane designed to land long on a short and wet runway.
LANDING – Place outside the pub where you get together with friends to drink.
LEAN MIXTURE – Non-alcoholic beer.
MINI MAG LITE – Device designed to support the AA battery industry.
NANOSECOND – Time delay between the Low Fuel Warning light and the onset of carburettor icing.
PARASITIC DRAG – A pilot who bums a ride and complains about the service.
RICH MIXTURE – What you order at another pilot’s promotion party.
ROGER – Used when you’re not sure what else to say or friend you know at the pub.
SECTIONAL CHART – Any chart that ends 25 nm short of your destination.
SERVICE CEILING – Altitude at which cabin crew can serve drinks.
SPOILERS – CAA Inspectors.
STALL – Technique used to explain to the bank why your loan payment is late.
STEEP BANKS – Banks that charge pilots more than the current interest rate.
TAKEOFF – What pilots say to their spouses when they will not allow them to go flying.
TURN & BANK INDICATOR – An instrument largely ignored by pilots with a lovely little model aircraft picture.
USEFUL LOAD – The total amount of passengers and luggage you can get into the aircraft until every space is taken up irrespective of weight.
WAC CHART – Directions to the military female barracks.
X – Most pilots marriage status.
YANKEE – An American.
ZULU – A South African person.